15 May 2010

Enough already...

Life feels like time and numbers right now.

24 months since I started managing my health issues and became a much healthier and happier person.

18 months since I started realizing that I could actually be a healthy, happy and capable parent.

16 months since I began contemplating telling Chris that my feelings about parenting had changed.

13 months since I told Chris and we decided to adopt.

10 months since we started our homestudy.

6 months since our homestudy was approved.

4 months since our profiles went live.

609 hits to one of our profiles as of today.

The big countdown continues...

As I mentioned in my most recent post...I seem to be hyper-aware of time.

And to be truthful - it's driving me crazy. I look at other expectant mother and prospective adoptive mother blogs with their little "X days still waiting for Baby X to arrive" counters adorned with cute little accompanying bunny and flower graphics.


I don't want to BE that person. Counting the days and wishing and moping and praying and feeling somehow incomplete without a baby.

That isn't me.

It is strange and alien that there is even the tiniest part of me feeling this way. This feeling of somehow being in a kind of stasis. Feeling like I can't look for a new job even though the one I'm in is leaving me feeling burned out. Worrying that I can't take on any new projects or commitments because the baby might arrive.

Feeling kind of stuck.

Chris just sent me updated versions of our profiles. While I am here moaning pitifully on my blog, he is taking action.

OK - enough complaining! Enough blogging for today!

There is life to be lived!

And lunch to be had.

Kinda hungry.

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