I haven't bought anything yet for the baby.
Not a little dress or a onesie or a binky or a bumbo seat.
I told Chris a while back that I did not want a baby shower until after the baby actually arrives. He passed along this information to well-meaning and loving relatives who were all set to start planning a huge baby shower many months ago while we were still in the home-study process. Chris very kindly and diplomatically put a stop to that plan.
"I don't want to have a house full of baby stuff and no baby," I tell him.
And so we don't.
We do have a lovely hand-knitted baby blanket that we received as a gift from my mother-in-law, a few kids books and a little teddy bear.
But today my neighbors have a yard sale. I can see their driveway is full of stuff, much of it baby stuff and kid stuff. There's a little plastic scoot-car...white, red, yellow and blue...the kind that a toddler would use. I stand next to my car for a few minutes looking across the way at the scoot-car. It's really adorable. Part of me wants to go over, buy it, and then put it up in the attic "for future use."
But I don't.
Instead I get in my car and head to the gym.
Part of me wants to start buying baby things and toddler things. Part of me wants to join a friend of mine on her weekly yard sale adventures so that I can start socking away little baby clothes that I find for a dime and little baby toys that someone is selling for a quarter.
But then there's the part of me that worries that no one is going to choose us and there will be no baby. And then I'll have this house full of stuff serving as a daily reminder: no baby. That I'll be that poor woman who on her blog writes incessantly about how the nursery is all ready and has been for two years and yet still she is waiting...
Yet today - just for a minute - I have this thought that maybe I should be buying things. That by having baby things in the house that somehow I'll invite a kind of baby energy into our home that will speed this process along.
I feel like a complete dork even writing this. It sounds ridiculous like Rhonda Byrne's The Secret or something.
Need to reflect on this some more.
To buy or not to buy?
That is the question.