30 May 2010


I don't want my weight to be the central story of my life anymore.

It seems as though for as long as I can remember I've worried about my weight and had others worrying about, commenting on and being concerned about my weight.

As a kid, I was bullied and tortured by other kids because I was fat. Then I shot up in height and lost a lot of weight in high school. Suddenly I was thin and had no idea how to be a thin person. Boys noticed me, but for different reasons than when I was fat. I actually had boyfriends. And then over the years as I struggled with leaving home, college, jobs, and learning to become a grown up my weight went up and down and up and down and up and down.

And then my weight went up and then up some more and then up some more after that.

Until last year when I reached the heaviest I've ever been.

And all along people have noticed and commented -  when I've been thin when I've been heavy and at all stages in between.

Truth be told....I'm kind of sick of it.

Yes, I'm fat.

I know that.

Although I know you mean to be kind, you don't have to tell me that you're worried about me or that I'm doing a great job losing the weight.

I'm exercising everyday, watching what I eat and the weight is coming off. Not in a dramatic "I lost 47 pounds in 9 weeks!" kind of way (although if that was at all a healthy possibility, I might be tempted...), but in a very healthy 1-2 pounds per week kind of way. Being healthy is my focus and my goal. There is also a "goal weight" in my mind, but I'm keeping that to myself.

So, folks, if you don't mind...I just really don't want to talk about it anymore.

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