OK, so part of me has this fantasy that our Plus One is going to be this incredibly quiet, happy, cheerful and mellow baby that I just haul all over the place and she's easy and life is always great.
In my fantasy I'm at the Coffee Depot with her. She's sleeping beautifully while I work on my novel and Facebook with friends.
And in another part of Mom Fantasy-land I'm able to take her to the art museum for hours at a time where she giggles in her little Snuggly-thing (quietly, of course, so as not to disturb the other patrons) and I'm able to walk around to look at all of the art with her. She is also, of course, brilliant and already interested in art as a baby.
She never has a meltdown in public in my fantasy.
She never makes a scene in the grocery store and I never have to rush away from our shopping cart to throw her in the car and head home minus our groceries.
She makes all her wishes and needs known even when she doesn't have the verbal language to tell me.
We giggle all of the time together and are never bored or cranky.
Part of me kind of lives in this Mom Fantasy-land that motherhood is going to be all puppies, kittens, smiles, totally cute baby and happy happy happy all of the time.
And then the other part of me lives in Mom Worry-panic-land.
That part of me worries and panics that this child is going to cry constantly and I'm not going to know how to comfort her. That she won't be terribly portable and we'll be stuck with each other in the house all of the time - miserable - because we're so sick of each other. That we'll be really frustrated and that we'll both end up crying and unhappy unhappy unhappy all of the time.
I suppose the smart thing for me to do would be simply to combine Mom Fantasy-land with Mom Worry-panic-land. To recognize that there are definitely going to be bits of both of the worlds with Schmoopie. That - hopefully - some days are going to be great and other days - not so much.
I also need to remind myself that there's going to be a great Dad in this picture, too! A Dad who is just as eager to be a parent as I am. Need to remind myself that it's not just about the Kid and Me - but about the three of us as a family.
Mom-and-Dad Land...not just Mom Land.
OK...so this waiting thing is just giving me waaaaay too much time to think!
**Addendum to post
Conversation five minutes ago:
ME: "So, what did you think of my blog post?"
CHRIS: "I liked it."
CHRIS: "Yeah...[grins] but you're kind of assuming a lot if you think I'm going to be involved."