10 July 2009

OK, it was a really short break...a bit of a rant

I'm feeling a little beat up. Actually a lot beat up.


Because I made the mistake of looking at some Birth-mother and Adoptee blogs again yesterday...

So much pain and suffering.

And, as I am coming to realize, a huge amount of anger directed at women like me - women who, for a variety of reasons, are not able to or shouldn't have biological children.

We, the infertile and fertility challenged, are apparently:

  1. Selfish and twisted for wanting to love/raise a child and have a family like any other woman who is able to have biological children - we should simply accept our childless state - tough luck
  2. Vain as a result of our sainted infertility status
  3. Holier than thou because we are all simply positive that we're rescuing helpless babies from terrible, drug addicted birthmothers or impoverished lives in Third World countries
  4. Heartless in our views that all birthmothers are expendable baby making machines who are merely available for our convenience
  5. Cruel because we are ripping away children from their REAL mothers and their REAL families who would step forward and take care of them instead of losing them to adoption
  6. Overly grateful and condescending
  7. Not grateful enough to the women who give away their flesh and blood
  8. Incapable of being REAL TRUE mothers because of our lack of biological/genetic connection to our adopted children - we're just pale imitations of the real thing
  9. Also incapable of understanding the depth of loss that birthmothers feel and that adoptees experience - we just don't want to hear these things, but only want to think of adoption as all happiness and joy
  10. Awful for reading birthmother and adoptee blogs in an effort to learn about and to understand the other points of view in this process - it's none of our business and we should stay away - we should instead remain ignorant
  11. In cahoots with the very evilest of all evils - the adoption system that coerces and manipulates the naive and unwary into giving up their children - adoption should be abolished
  12. Really only good for possibly as a last resort adopting TRUE orphans who have no other biological family in the whole world because TRUE orphans are the only children who should be adopted out
Please know that I'm sorry if I sound particularly angry or sarcastic or snarky or whatever you'd like to call it...I just got so frustrated yesterday at reading the words of very angry people who portray me and women like me as evil monsters.

I know full well that it does no good for me to get and stay angry. My anger will not help ease the pain, loss and grief that these other women are suffering. Nor will it change the minds of the angry people - more than likely it will simply douse gasoline on an already lit fire. Any anger on my part will not contribute anything that might make the future world of adoptions better for all involved. So I am going to attempt to make this my first and last little rant - to be a bit sarcastic, snarky and whatever and just get it out of my system.

So, in closing...

If wanting to have a family is evil, selfish and terrible and makes me an awful person...well, then I guess that's what I am...

1 comment:

  1. So sorry that you were disheartened by some folks posts :(

    There are a good many blogs that I just can't read - for reasons very different than yours as I'm a first Mom myself. (That has also been labeled as ungrateful, selfish, evil, and terrible for whatever it's worth - oh, and even on one occasion it wasn't women like me in general, it was me specifically! I feel your pain!)

    And while I don't take away the rights of others to feel the angry things they might feel, you too are asbolutely allowed to feel angry and snarky and defensive. Blogland can be a cruel world, but I hope you find some support as well!