25 April 2010

Calmed down...

I awake this morning feeling much more calm than I was last night.

The combination of a good night's sleep and taking the time yesterday to twice write about my anger - my dosa - seems to have helped to diffuse it.

The yahoos will be yahoos. There is little I can do about them or the less-than-truths they choose to spout at me. However, if I have learned anything, it is that I can certainly do better in managing my reactions to them and in setting my expectations in our adoption journey.

It doesn't do anyone any good - especially me - for me to get angry. I've made enough suffering for myself in my 42 years...There's no need to add yet another layer of suffering. I've worked too hard in recent years to peel away my layers upon layers of suffering. To be happy and in the present moment.

So, today will not be shaped by anger, but will instead be about taking care of myself, my marriage and our home. Grocery shopping. Cooking. Helping my husband in the next steps of dealing with our wrecked basement.

Life is good and it's good to move through the world in a state of happiness...not dosa.

Best and peace, everyone.


  1. Hey there mom-to-be,

    Good for you to hold all these feelings with compassion and then to move forward in the most healthy ways you can.

    Believe it or not this is excellent training for being a parent. You'll have to deal with people who aren't good for your child and do it in ways that are at once compassionate and firm and - above all - that keep your child safe, happy and healthy.

    Right now I'm trying to find my own center as I prepare to go into a meeting with my son's home school district. They just decided that they're going to bring my disabled son back from the specialized school where he is finally blossoming. I'd be happy to discuss my son's return with the home school district if they had an actual program to bring my son back to. However it turns out that there's no program in existence. Indeed, from what I can tell so far, their "program" is to have one person with my son in a corner of some room all day until my son graduates from school and is out of their hair.

    So, here I am trying to stay in a centered and compassionate space while also preparing to stand up for my son and advocate what will give him his best chance at getting the life skills he so desperately needs to have as normal as possible a life as an adult.

    p.s. Last night I watched the film "Autism the Musical" - it helped so much to see such brave and involved parents and their wonderful kids. I didn't feel so alone.

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