So, I think that I'm pretty well de-funked.
Been going to the gym this week. Eating well. And generally settling back into life.
And, of course, I've settled back into the waiting groove.
It's easier to wait now that just about everyone in our lives knows that our adoption placement fell through at the last minute. No more having to explain. No more saying "Chris and I will just move forward" or "I'm doing OK" or "well, obviously the Universe has other plans for us" or "It is what it is" or any other hope-filled re-frame that I can think of to make others feel better about my pain. So many people have expressed their sympathy and asked their questions (for which I am really, truly, deeply grateful - even if I didn't sounds terribly grateful in that last sentence...) and heard the explanations. So, now it's a relief that I don't have to keep talking about it.
It's a relief to once again be in a place again where sadness and grief aren't at the forefront of my consciousness.
There are little twinges when I walk by the baby's room filled with all of the baby stuff, but they're just that - twinges. Not the deep stabbing gut pain I was experiencing until just a few days ago.
So, life is moving on.
Chris and I are indeed moving forward.
We're doing OK.
The Universe has its plans for us and we'll just have to be patient to see what those plans entail.
It is what it is...