08 July 2010

The waiting...

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

-- Tom Petty from "The Waiting"

I want to be patient and to let the events of our adoption unfold as they will on the timeline set out by the divine mystery of the Universe. Instead (and unfortunately) I seem to be leaning in the direction of impatience - and restlessness. 

"Is this really going to happen?" I ask myself...as each day passes with no news... as the waiting continues...wondering if we'll ever be a family.

In Buddhism, impatience and restlessness/worry falls into the category of the Five Hindrances - negative mental states that impede one's ability to be mindful. I'm embarrassed to say that it's been quite a while since I've listened to any Dharma talks or even cracked a page in any of my books about Buddhism. Between work, the flood, damage to the house, repairs to the house, putting the house back to rights, worry about the adoption, trying to lose weight, blah, blah, blah...I guess that I let life get in the way of my studies.

And in the way of being mindful.

So here I am feeling anxious and worried. Impatient and restless.


Gil Fronsdal, in The Issue at Hand, writes the following about patience:

When we recognize that clear-seeing, peace, compassion and love are quite different from, even incompatible with, compulsive behaviors and reactions, the value of patience becomes apparent. Patience entails choosing not to respond reactively. It provides tremendous support for mindfulness practice. Perseverance, patience under insult and acceptance of truth are three traditional facets of patience that give strength to mindfulness.

The patience of perseverance, through a gentle and steady effort, keeps us from succumbing to doubt, discouragement and fear.

I want to be patient. I want to listen to Gil. To practice patience and perseverance. To trust in the Universe, be in the moment and not let myself succumb further to doubt and discouragement.

Really, I do.

But...the waiting really is the hardest part.


  1. I can't imagine what the waiting must be like. I married into a child. Yes, it was *poof* Insta-Mom! No waiting for me - just jumping right into the deep end of the parenthood pool (ready or not...and believe there are days that are I'm definitely "not" ready).

    Good luck hanging in there!

  2. A question:

    Have you ever written a Personal Mission Statement? If so will it change as you become a mom? I'm trying to figure this one out for myself (what is my mission and how much of it is mom-oriented, how much is the other parts of me, etc.).

    For ideas I've gone to a few different sites such as:

    1) www.VisionaryMom.com website
    2) An Artful Life (http://shonastudio.blogspot.com/)

    But nothing has really caught my eye. So, no statement yet, but I need one - I need a compass to keep me grounded, healthy, doing what inspires me, gives me joy...