04 June 2010


I was a bit...um...upset yesterday and the day before what with the whole lopping-of-the-profile-by-the-facilitators-without-our-knowledge-or-consent incident.

Actually I was beyond upset, but was instead a seething ball of rage.

Today my anger and rage have faded. I don't have that horrible churning, roiling, boiling sensation in my gut that I had all day yesterday. This is in large part thanks to a visit to the gym and sparring with the Ringmaster.

I beat the living hell out of that heavy bag last night.

Poor Ringmaster. He took quite a pounding.

In the midst of me knocking the stuffing out of my sparring partner I actually scared some guy right out of the room. He walked in looking to work out on one of the balance balls, took one look at me pounding on the bag, and literally scurried away.

I must have looked pretty pissed.

Not today.

Today I am just tired.

Tired of being angry.

Tired of waiting.

Tired of having so little control over this process.

Tired of being 42 and wishing that I could turn the clock back ten years and pretend that back then I was even remotely healthy enough to have had a baby the natural way and not through this crazy convoluted process.

Tired of being on the same professional merry-go-round.

Tired of feeling stuck.

I'm just tired.

I feel quite a bit like a deflated balloon.

1 comment:

  1. Practice "staying in the present moment" dear friend. Life has a way on happening on it's on terms - this I know for sure - and all we can do is take action on what we have control over and let the rest go...