28 August 2010

When?

When?

The question pops up in my mind frequently these days, much as I try to be in the present moment and not worry so much about the future.

When?

We had our company picnic a few weeks ago and it was Baby Central. A new born, a few one year-olds, some toddlers. Baby Central.

And I visit them all.

Everybody's kids and grandbabies.

I hold the newborn who decides at the moment to let out a great wail. So I hand him back to his grandma who laughs and says, "It's nice when they aren't yours and you can still do that."

"He wants his grandma," I reply, "he doesn't know me."

When?

I play a game with a colleague's one year-old daughter. We roll a soccer ball back and forth along the ground to each other. She smiles and laughs each time it comes back to her and laughs even harder as she sends it back towards my waiting hands.

Someday I'll be playing this game with my daughter.

When?

Another grandbaby at the picnic is sucking not very contentedly on a bottle. Her little face is red. She's been crying.

"Oh she's so tired!" exclaims the proud grandmama who's holding her and feeding her the bottle.

"She needs a nap in the worst way," says the baby's mom from across the picnic table, "but I think there's too much going on here for her to sleep. Now she's just getting cranky."

The mom doesn't seem overly concerned when grandma hands her the baby. She gives the now loudly fussing baby a quick squeeze and a big kiss on the forehead, "You need to go to sleep Little Girl."

I wonder if I'll be so calm in the face of a cranky baby who needs a nap, but won't go to sleep.

When?

I watch my ball playing friend scootch sideways along the concrete crab-style while her mom calls to her, "Hey there. Where ya going? Where ya going?"

The little girl pays her momma no mind whatsoever and scuttles along quickly to her destination - a pair pink sneakers left behind by one of the older children.

When?

As I watch the moms and the grandmoms and their little ones I keep hearing the question over and over in my mind...

When?

18 August 2010

No news...still

The phone is silent.

No emails from the adoption facilitators.

Adoption feels very far away right now.

My focus is on work and getting healthy.

I'm writing entries in the new blog about the other journey that I'm on right now.

I try not to think about how long we've been waiting or how long we'll have to wait.

Life goes on.

Life goes on.

17 August 2010

Another blog???

I know. It seems so crazy to have more than one...but I can't help myself.

Actually, I realized today that weight loss and getting healthy are becoming a very important part of my life, so much so that they really deserve their own space. They're starting to crowd out adoption stuff so...

Please come visit me at my new blog 80 Sticks of Butter to read all about my journey to good health.

And please keep coming to In the present moment... for continuing news about our impending adoption.

Best and peace,
Jennifer

15 August 2010

Not Fat Old Jenn...

I step on the scale again today to check my weight.

Stupid, I know. Shouldn't really weigh yourself everyday when losing weight.

But I can't help myself.

Because I keep thinking that I'm not really losing weight. Somehow in my head I've convinced myself that I was just "overly dehydrated" a few days ago when I weighed myself and so when I step on the scale again today that those three pounds will be right back where they were.  I just assume the worst.

How crazy is that?

I've been carrying around this weight for so long now that I sorta dumbly resigned myself to the fact of being Fat Old Jenn. And there is a part of me is who is desperately afraid - despite all current evidence to the contrary - that I'll never get rid of the weight.

That I always be just Fat Old Jenn.

But here's the thing...I wasn't dehydrated a few days ago and those 19.5 pounds I've lost this year - still gone! I stand there on the scale today and the number is just the same - in fact a little less! - as it was two days ago.

Guess what??

Making responsible eating choices + exercise = weight loss.

It's a pretty simple formula.

There's no magic cure for being fat.

Eat healthy food. Move everyday. Breathe. Lose weight.

I have a lot of pounds left to lose to get to where I want to be and where I know I can be a  healthy, active mom to Schmoopie. But now that Chris has joined me in this weight loss adventure, I know that I can do it.

P.S.
My husband is a genius. Today he decided to have a salad and a burger (no bun, of course) for lunch. No ketchup or BBQ sauce allowed on SBD because they contain too much sugar so he used Taco sauce. Brilliant! I wouldn't have thought of that ever...

14 August 2010

We drank the Kool Aid...

So Chris and I have successfully completed Week 1/Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.

Yep, we drank the SBD Kool Aid.

I know.

You weren't expecting that, were you?

Well, miraculously, we're doing it.

And LIKING it.

No, really.

So I didn't buy the SBD book that explains the whole diet/way of life. Instead, printed from the web the lists of foods that are allowed/not allowed, bought the latest cookbook, and used the sample meal plans along with the food lists as guides.  The recipes produce really flavorful, tasty meals (so far anyway...we're batting 1,000 for dinners...Asian Beef in Lettuce Cups, Southwestern Turkey Skillet, Beef with Edamame and Ginger Garlic Sauce, Steak with Mustard Shallot Sauce...YUM!!!)

It's a bit of work. And it definitely takes planning to be successful. Today Chris and I planned out meals for the coming week then hit the grocery store to purchase ingredients. On the menu this week: Quick Beef Fajita Salad, Turkey Romesco, and Chicken Satay Burgers.

As we're driving to the grocery store Chris says to me, "Y'know the leftover cash that I took out for our trip to New York?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't touch any of it this week. I mean before we were doing South Beach that would have gone for lunches or ordering something for dinner, but it just sat there all week in my wallet."

"We did like to eat out a lot before this didn't we?"

"Yep."

So, in addition to losing weight (and, yes, SBD really does work if you follow it) we're actually saving money even though our weekly grocery bill is a bit higher than it was pre-SBD because we're not paying for restaurant food.

Bonus!

"Y'know, the other good thing about this is that we're getting into routines making food, which is going to be awesome for when the baby comes. Can't not have food in the house and just rely on take-out when you've got a kid," I say to Chris one day earlier this week as we're preparing dinner.

And it's true.

I'm so glad to be starting these good habits now so that when Schmoopie arrives she'll have parents who keep the fridge stocked with good healthy food. She'll have parents who set a good example.

I'd like to write more, but it's dinner time. So, no more clackering away on the laptop for me this evening - instead it's off to the kitchen!

13 August 2010

TGIF...

video
Rocky Gorge, New Hampshire


I'm really longing for the White Mountains right now.

(Can ya tell?)

Work is really ramping up. Meetings, meetings, meetings. Work event today and one a week from Saturday (and I'm in charge of a big portion of the one next week.) Interviewing for annual temporary staff all next week. External meetings with clients to begin the following week. Continued aggravation with one aspect of my job.

There's a lot going on.

While I'm actually keeping up with all of it and only feeling moderately overwhelmed, there's a big part of me that is desperately wishing for a more simple life. 

Not going to happen anytime soon.

In the meantime, I'll just have to be content that it's Friday.

11 August 2010

Still here...



I've been neglecting the blog.

Life is busy right now.

No adoption news. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Wishing we were back in New Hampshire.

More soon.

I promise.