Sometimes I wish that I had never discovered the Internet and that I could just live my life in blissful ignorance.
But sometimes having access to so much information is not always a blessing.
I've been exploring a plethora adoption blogs - adoptive parents, birth mothers and adoptees.
My explorations have certainly been illuminating...
There is so much intense emotion expressed by the various adoption bloggers whose words have appeared on my computer screen over the last few weeks (especially this evening.) So much regret. So much determination to find out the truth. So much bitterness at not being able to find the truth or being rejected by one family member or another. So much fear. So much pain. So much anger. So much grief. So much loss.
I want to write more about this. I want to address some of the issues about which I've been reading. I want to question and to process, but the truth is that I'm feeling very sad and overwhelmed by much of what I've read this evening and not in a good place to be mindful/thoughtful/reflective/empathetic.
So I think that I will instead take myself to bed.
However, when I am in a better place emotionally I will revisit the so much-ness of this post.