So, I've been in this funk.
And I think that I'm coming out of it. But it's weird because it just kind of crept up on me. Sneaky-like. Here I thought that I was doing SO WELL...being so calm and cool about the adoption and being perfectly OK with the waiting and then...
The funny thing is that now - after I've had some time to review the footage - I realize that the funk is not about the adoption. Or that I'm in the midst of my Living Healthy for the Little One program (which is going really well, by the way.) For a little while I thought that it might be the combination of those things.
Here's what it is:
I am not certain where my life is heading...professionally.
This may sound strange a coming from someone who is about to take time out of the professional world to delve into motherhood, but it really isn't all that strange. I really do need to think about what's next.
What is it going to look like?
I've been in my current non--profit career for a while now (like almost 20 years.) However, when I am ready to head back to work I am 100% positive that I will not be returning to what I do now, which in some ways is kind of a bummer because I'm pretty good at what I do. But being good at something and loving it/being able to give it your all are two very different things. I don't love this work anymore. It's exhausting and I'm finding myself burned out. So, the thing is:
What's next? What's Career 2.0?
I don't know what I want to do or be when I grow up.
And really - if I'm honest - I've never known what I wanted to do or be when I grow up. I've pretty much fallen into everything that I've every done professionally.
My first totally grown up job out of college was as an Admissions Officer at a small art and design college. I didn't set out to become an Admissions Officer, but my skills and background in the arts seemed to be a good match for what they were seeking to hire. When I saw the job posting I thought, "Well, I could do THAT."
And a number of years later when I had left the college, another job sort of fell into my lap and I had the same thought, "Well, I could do THAT."
And so I did.
And then I did it again. And again. And again.
I've never had a plan.
And maybe I never will. Maybe I have to learn to be OK with that.
But now that we are becoming Plus One, I guess that I'm feeling like I should actually - you know - like HAVE A PLAN. Set a good example for our kid.
It's not exactly something that I'm going to figure out like TODAY. Although I wish desperately that I would have some kind of revelation very soon!
Still, at least I now know the source of my funkiness and hopefully I can continue to pull myself out of it to focus on the good things that are happening right now.
Life is good...Wonderful husband, nice home, I'm healthy, we have great friends and family, and we'll hopefully become Plus One in the very near future...
Really...it's all good.