13 September 2009


The adoption industry markets adoption as a way to fulfill the desires of adults.

Why is it that my husband and I as prospective adoptive parents are "fulfilling our own desires," while a couple who can have their own biological children are simply "starting a family"?

Are those folks who can have biological children NOT fulfilling their own desires as well? So those folks are totally unselfish? They're having a child not to satisfy their own desires to be parents and have a family, but specifically for the best interests of that child?

Isn't the very act of procreating something of a selfish act? Wanting to have children to fulfill that desire to have a family? To have the experience of being parents? That desire to pass on our genes and/or our ideals and/or our knowledge and/or our love? To watch a child grow and change and become a grown person? To feel the joy that comes along with parenting?

To love and to be loved? To give and to be given to in return? To care for and to be cared for in return?

Another blogger wrote recently:

Finally, I urge women to NOT adopt, no matter how much you want a 
baby of your own.

So, basically for those of us who have issues around fertility what this blogger and so many who hold anti-adoption views are saying to people like me and my husband...tough luck.

Is that it?

Suck it up.

Remain childless.

Don't even think about parenthood because it just isn't for you.

Some days I am so excited about moving forward with our adoption. Then there are other days where I run across negativity on the web that just deflates me. Guess today is one of those days.

Truly - I don't want to write posts like this one. I'd rather reflect in the joy and excitement of staring our family. However, I also believe that it's my responsibility to continue to educate myself about adoption and its implications for our future and that of our child. Consequently, I'm sure (and sad) that I will continue to run into information out there and people out there who will assure me in every way that I am wrong for wanting to adopt.

1 comment:

  1. Jen, So many more of us believe that you are doing the "right" thing for yourselves, and for the gentle soul who longs to be part of a family that will love and care for her/him. As for me I wish you both all the best that comes with being parents.