Strange blogging moment...

I turn on the computer this morning to check the blog and the stats website I use to track my visits. Admittedly, I have become one of those crazy bloggers who wants to know several times a day, "Who is visiting? Where from?"

It's kind of a rush to see that someone from Washington DC or as far away as New Zealand has visited.

Yes...I'm a blog dork.

So imagine my surprise this morning then when I discover that a number of people have found their way here via a CNN Online article entitled "Single Black Women Choosing to Adopt"

What the heck? How the heck? Huh?

I run upstairs to tell Chris the news. Even he is just a little impressed and says, "You should write a blog post about this."

So here I am again writing about this rather strange event.

I visit the article trying to figure out how my little blog has become attached to this article since - well - quite frankly - I am not black...

Apparently it's the "adoption" portion of my blog that is of interest because my post "Why Adoption?" had information that CNN deemed related. "In the present moment..." was the third listed in their "From the Blogs: Controversy, Commentary and Debate" link at the end of the article (and in the time that I have been writing this post has since been replaced by several other blogs with more recent posts on the subject.)

And even though I am not black, I hope that those of you who found your way to "In the present moment..." and the "Why Adoption?" post may have at least found information of interest and use. Thank you for taking the time to visit.

(And, yes, I am just a bit geeked that I was attached - however briefly - to a CNN article...)

A bit of sadness...

Sometimes I wish that I had never discovered the Internet and that I could just live my life in blissful ignorance.

No...not really.

But sometimes having access to so much information is not always a blessing.

I've been exploring a plethora adoption blogs - adoptive parents, birth mothers and adoptees.

My explorations have certainly been illuminating...

There is so much intense emotion expressed by the various adoption bloggers whose words have appeared on my computer screen over the last few weeks (especially this evening.) So much regret. So much determination to find out the truth. So much bitterness at not being able to find the truth or being rejected by one family member or another. So much fear. So much pain. So much anger. So much grief. So much loss.

So much.

So much.

So much.

I want to write more about this. I want to address some of the issues about which I've been reading. I want to question and to process, but the truth is that I'm feeling very sad and overwhelmed by much of what I've read this evening and not in a good place to be mindful/thoughtful/reflective/empathetic.

So I think that I will instead take myself to bed.

However, when I am in a better place emotionally I will revisit the so much-ness of this post.